It’s 8 am on a weekday morning, and a puppy in Lakeland is waiting patiently by the front door. He makes a few trips padding back and forth to the front window overlooking the driveway. Joyful barks and tail wags can only mean one thing – the Aussie Bus is here! The good boy can hardly contain his excitement for the day ahead – fetch, playing with his friends, and belly rubs from his favorite doggy daycare moms. What does your dog do while you’re at work all day? Owners of Aussie Mom Pet Sitting, Ashley and Nancy Lee, live in Bartow with their four dogs, three cats, and a tortoise. Ashley has degrees in graphic design and information technology and is currently pursuing a marketing and business degree. She began pet sitting while working full-time as a graphic designer and office manager for two aeronautics companies in Sarasota. “I’m a veterinary technician, but I prefer not to work in the clinic because usually, that deals with the sad parts,” Ashley said. In 2016, she moved back to Polk County to care for her grandmother, whose health was declining, and Nancy’s mother had been diagnosed with cancer. Both Ashley and Nancy were in jobs that didn’t afford them the time with family they needed. So Ashley started pet sitting. She could use her education to care for animals without the emotionally challenging moments of working in a veterinary clinic and have freedom of schedule. Nancy has ten years of certified dental technician experience and has also worked as a licensed cosmetologist. She wanted to be there for her mother’s chemotherapy treatments when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2016. “In the corporate world, your hours are set. And of course, I was a manager at the salon, so nobody could take my place,” Nancy said. She thought, “Let’s do this so we can both have opportunities to leave whenever we want and visit our family and be there for them.” She joined Ashley as a co-owner in Aussie Mom Pet Sitting. Though Nancy’s mom passed away in 2017, the career change allowed her to be there for her mom’s chemo each week. Nancy said that she has found her passion in pet care and, after having animals all her life, finds comfort in caring for them every day. Another reason the Lee’s started a pet sitting business? “I also don’t trust anyone to watch my pet,” Ashley said. “There’s a need for somebody to provide a home environment where when I’m gone, they can take my dog, and they can still feel like they’re at home.” DOGGY DAYCARE When Aussie Mom first started, they offered home visits and overnight services. Their clientele has grown so much in the last six years that they no longer offer home visits but have plenty of services to keep tails wagging. In that time, they’ve taken care of kangaroos, cats, lizards, chinchillas, and bearded dragons, though now they focus their services on dogs (and the occasional bird). The Aussie Mom owners pride themselves on providing a professional and personalized pet care experience in an in-home environment serving Lakeland and Winter Haven. Services include doggy daycare/ play dates, boarding, and even transportation for pets on their Aussie Bus. The latter service is a hit with pets and their humans alike. “As soon as [the dogs] see the leash, they know they’re going to Aussie Mom,” Nancy said. It eliminates the stress of adding another stop on the morning commute for clients. “I come between 7 am and 9 am,” said Nancy. “I pick them up, they come all day, and I drop them off between 4 pm and 6 pm. So, when you come back home from work, they’re tired.” Clients fill out a form allowing Nancy to enter their homes so when she drops them off, she can fill their water and make sure they potty one more time. The Aussie Moms often have clients send pictures of their tuckered-out dog passed out on the couch with a big ‘Thank you!’ For any potential overnight guests, they set up a meet and greet for an assessment of the dog and always have them come over for a play date before boarding to make sure they get along with other pups. Nancy said, “It all depends on the dynamic – what their temperament is and what behaviors they have.” The number of dogs they’ll accept for boarding depends on the circumstance. They take the health and temperament of each precious pup into account. According to Ashley, “We’ve had dogs with heart failure where they can’t be overstimulated. We have to check on them every two hours to make sure they’re still breathing. They could go at any moment. If we have our pups and that guest, we wouldn’t take anybody else.” If there isn’t a high-maintenance pet coming in, the Aussie Moms limit boarding to four to five dogs. The daycare has become the pet sitters’ most sought-after service. “It’s really good for people to take that effort and sign up for a day of daycare here and there for socialization,” said Ashley. The Bartow-based pet sitting company is currently fully booked for doggy daycare through the summer. The ‘Aussie’ in Aussie Mom Pet Sitting is an homage to two of their pets, Aussies Roxy and Hurley. Roxy is the Aussie Mom mascot and a house mom of sorts amongst the dogs. The mellow rescue doggie, adopted at just four and a half weeks old, is now 13. Known to involve all the dogs in playtime, Roxy is helpful with dogs of all ages and dispositions. According to Ashley, “She’s really good if we have senior pups that need to be socialized but not overwhelmed.” Roxy will even comfort anxious dogs by snuggling with them. PET CARE PROFESSIONALS Aussie Mom Pet Sitting is a licensed LLC, insured through Business Insurers of the Carolinas and Certified through NAPPS (National Association of Professional Pet Sitters). They also hold certifications in Fear Free and Pet Behavior/Psychology. “The industry as a whole saw that anxiety was becoming a bigger issue,” said Ashley. “We network with other companies in Lakeland and Winter Haven. We have meetings every couple of months. Everybody was saying we’ve got to figure something out.” Ashley said of their Fear Free Certification, “It’s a lot about reading the body language of the pets. With COVID, a lot of people were home 24/7, and now their dogs have increased anxiety [because people are leaving home more and the dogs aren’t used to their absence].” Nancy noted that this could lead to some dogs becoming destructive when left alone. Many of their clients have expressed that they haven’t been able to go out to dinner after the pandemic without their dog tearing up the house or becoming distressed when they go into the kennel. “That was part of the certification. It taught us how to read them and implement different ways to get them back into being a normal dog again,” Nancy said. “When we started the business, we found there was a need for professional pet care,” Ashley said. “A lot of people will use Rover or Wag! or family members or neighbors and they find out that they never came, or they came for five minutes and left and didn’t feed them, or they went all weekend and the person came one time.” The neighborhood kid may be cheaper, but there is peace of mind with hiring a professional (especially one who is NAPPS certified) to care for your pet. The Aussie Moms encourage pet parents to do their research before entrusting their dogs into someone’s care. They work with the pet industry software, Time To Pet which gives an extra bit of assurance to their clients through tools like clock-in and clock-out if they were to visit someone’s home, photos, GPS when walking a dog, and report cards noting if the pet ate, drank water, or used the bathroom. “That software is a lifesaver because we used to do everything by hand,” said Nancy. Ashley called pet sitting a 24/7, 365 job that is “different every day.” The pair hope to one day expand their labor of puppy love into a larger facility, perhaps a ‘barndominium’ property offering an in-home environment, and eventually grow their staff. THE AUSSIE MOM FAMILY For Ashley Lee, the best part of her job is seeing clients they’ve not seen for a while. “We’ll show up, and the dog just comes running to us like ‘Oh my God, where have you been?!’” she said. Though that is on occasion mixed with sad moments like when a senior dog they’ve grown to love passes away. She said, “We call them our ‘Aussie Mom Family’ because it’s like having a bunch of little nieces and nephews. We get attached, and it’s hard when they pass.” Nancy said, “It’s probably the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had. They’re therapy. When my mom passed away, this is what got me through it. [...] You can go to your 9-5 job every day, but the happiness you see and when the clients tell you how much they appreciate you because it’s like their child – to feel like you’re a part of their family as much as they’re a part of yours – it’s just so fulfilling.” Aussie Mom Pet Sitting aussiemompetsitting.com FB @AussieMomPetSittingLLC IG @aussiemompetsitting 863-701-3137 Photography by Amy Sexson

At a downtown Auburndale thrift boutique, purchases benefit adoptable pups. It really is Goin’ to the Dogs! This charming thrift store on Auburndale’s Main Street sells donated items to benefit Crossed Paws Pet Rescue. The rescue, started by Stephanie Badillo, takes in homeless and abandoned dogs and finds them a forever home. Stephanie Badillo had been rescuing dogs at her home for ten years before starting Crossed Paws Pet Rescue in 2017. “My dogs aren’t dogs that come from people. Some do, but most of my dogs are from the ditches, the woods, some really late nights in some really scary places, and most of my dogs come in pregnant. I’ve had eleven litters at one time,” she said. When she rescues dogs, Badillo gets them veterinary care, has them microchipped, spayed or neutered, and has them treated for any injuries or illnesses. No matter how many thousands of dollars she spends rehabilitating an animal, the adoption fee is always $300. A PAW-SOME IDEA Dog lover and owner of Goin’ to the Dogs Thrift Shoppe, Mariann Motola, met Badillo about five years ago. “I started following another rescue in Bakersfield, California called Marley’s Mutts,” said Motola. Appreciative of their work from afar, she wanted to do the same good in her community, so she Googled ‘pet rescue Auburndale’ and Crossed Paws was the first result. “I liked what she was doing. She was the only rescue in this whole area. I got to know her, and one of the things that she constantly needed was funding,” said Motola. Funding was essential to cover vet bills and the expenses of running a kennel with 70 dogs. Motola suggested they open a thrift shop selling donated items to help meet that financial need. It just so happened that her husband had a space in downtown Auburndale that would make a great thrift store. Shortly after announcing the opening of Goin’ to the Dogs Thrift Shoppe on social media, supporters of Crossed Paws Pet Rescue showered them with enough donations to fill two storage units. According to Motola, “All the money that comes in goes directly to Crossed Paws Pet Rescue. [...] My ideal plan was to always pay the rent over at the kennel.” Since opening in August of 2019, they’ve been able to do that almost every month, with a surplus to cover utilities, food, and veterinary expenses some months as well. “Everything in the store has been donated,” said Motola. “I don’t purchase anything.” The Goin’ to the Dogs owner says her aim for the store is to be a thrift boutique for lightly used items from adult clothing, home décor, and jewelry to books, DVDs, CDs, and an entire back wall of dog products. She says the store’s demographic tends to be women aged 20-60 – all dog lovers, of course. The volunteer-run store is open Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday from 11 am to 4 pm. FINDING FUR-EVER HOMES “I just picked up a mother dog and four puppies dumped off 80 Foot Road,” shared Badillo. Unfortunately, tragic situations like this aren’t infrequent. “The laws have to change,” said the Crossed Paws Pet Rescue owner. “They need to require spay and neuter and require people to take control of their actions with their dogs.” Motola added, “And they all need to be microchipped. That way, we can locate the owner, and then if the dogs are dumped, they have to take responsibility for them.” Adopting a dog through Crossed Paws is a purposefully stringent process. “We have an adoption application that must be filled out, and we do not adopt until we know everything about those people,” said Motola. This includes finding out what kind of dog a person or family is looking for, verifying their address, and speaking to the landlord if they have one. “Some people get upset by this. Some people don’t want to adopt from us because of the process that we have, but it’s pretty strict,” said Badillo. Badillo wants to ensure that each of her dogs ends up with the right family, even going as far as Maine to get them there. She’s driven 90 dogs up north already, where she partners with another rescue. “I get them adopted first. Then I drive them to the other rescue, and the people that are adopting are there waiting for their pups,” she said. The rescue also attends community events like Bark in the Park in Winter Haven and Touch a Truck in Auburndale to drum up support for the cause and hopefully find homes for their dogs. “Auburndale Parks and Recreation are very good to us. They always include us in whatever they do over at the park,” said Motola. Crossed Paws recently held their own event in Auburndale, where they did 14 adoptions in one day. According to Badillo, the rescue plans to hold monthly adoption events at the K-Ville Community Center. Interested in adopting a fourlegged friend through Crossed Paws? Folks are asked to fill out an application online. Once an application has been accepted, “We do meet and greet by appointment,” said Motola. HOW TO HELP To support the dogs at Crossed Paws Pet Rescue, the community can make financial donations, donate cleaning supplies like garbage bags, paper towels, dog shampoo, and puppy pads, or shop at Goin’ to the Dogs Thrift Shoppe. “We’re always looking for new volunteers who want to come in and work the store,” said Motola. Good items to donate to the store include lightly used clothing and home décor in good condition (clean, no tears, no missing zippers or buttons). Anything they don’t plan to sell is donated to another thrift store or nonprofit. Motola looked around Goin’ to the Dogs Thrift Shoppe and said, “This is from all the people who support Crossed Paws. It’s just really cool.” Keep up with Goin’ to the Dogs on social media to learn about sales and new inventory. They often bring dogs to the store so guests can shop and get a little pooch smooch from a sweet pup like five-year-old wired-haired terrier, Loki, and 6 to 7-yearold longhair dachshund, Willie, who at the time of print, are available for adoption! Goin’ to the Dogs Thrift Shoppe 106B Main St, Auburndale FB @gointothedogsthriftshoppe (407) 414-5651 Crossed Paws Pet Rescue Crossedpawspetrescue.org FB @crossedpawspetrescue Photography by Amy Sexson

Put on your finest Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops – Cabana Boy Ice Cream is open for business, baby! Well, they’ve actually been open for two months and have quickly become a sweet tooth fixture in Winter Haven. A bright spot of manicured landscaping, tiki décor, and Hawaiian music on Avenue G NW, Cabana Boy Ice Cream is the brain (freeze) child of self-described “ice cream addicts” Gina and Chuck Erickson. Chuck is in the business of skateboard manufacturing and started Sabotage Skate Shop in Winter Haven, and Gina is an accountant. They moved to Auburndale from California. The ice cream shop may have opened two months ago, but renovations on the building have been gradually ongoing for three years. “When we bought it, it was a disaster. It needed everything,” Chuck said. Gina agreed, “It needed so much love.” “Since 1974, from what we understand, it was the Banana Boat. There was a couple that owned it for years and years,” Chuck said. Eventually, the building would change hands before sitting vacant for some time. Looking online at local real estate, Chuck said, “We saw it pop up, and I thought, ‘Let’s go check it out. It looks interesting.’” So the couple came to the vacant spot and sat at an old fiberglass table to check the place out. “All of the sudden, this car pulls up, and this lady and two kids get out to get ice cream,” Chuck said. The Erickson’s relayed that the business was closed. Shortly after, another truck pulled up with a couple also looking for a cold treat. Chuck said, “This is interesting. Let’s make an offer on it just for fun.” The Erickson’s bought 2610 Avenue G NW ‘as is’ and started the three-year-long renovation project. Little by little, they worked to replace the septic, install new three-phase electricity, flooring, new walls, fix the air conditioning – the list goes on. The Erickson’s gave their future ice cream shop a total tiki makeover. “I think where it really started was this restaurant and bar called the Royal Hawaiian in Laguna Beach, California. I started going there as a little kid with my family. I actually proposed to [Gina] there,” Chuck said. “It’s like my favorite restaurant. It was super old-school, dirty nasty tiki, and the bar was super awesome and fun. It was just one of my favorite places, and I always loved the whole tiki scene and look.” For their ice cream shop, at which pineapple Dole whip would be a staple (now their most popular flavor), a Hawaiian backyard paradise in Winter Haven just made sense for the theme. “We want people to be able to escape here. Come get an ice cream and relax for ten minutes, not think about the rest of the world,” Chuck said. Cabana Boy Ice Cream currently offers 13 shaved ice flavors and 16 flavors of Yoder’s Southern Creamery ice cream. “We could come here and buy Hershey’s or some less quality brand and make more profit for sure, but we are ice-creamaholics, 100%. We’re buying what we love,” Chuck said. “There’s nothing that competes with Yoder’s, in our opinion. It’s our favorite – the chocolate peanut butter, the mudslide. It’s legit.” And Cabana Boy ice cream comes with a souvenir spoon that changes color when it gets cold – something to remember them by. “Gina runs the kitchen, and I’m just the idea guy,” Erickson said. Gina’s favorite aspect of the business is being creative. “I love cooking. I love the kitchen, making new stuff, trying new flavors,” she said. Cabana Boy’s social media is an ode to Gina’s colorful creations with treats like Orange Dole with Chamoy and Tajin topped off with an orange slice and colorful cocktail umbrella. One bite of that, and I bet you could almost hear the waves. The couple is working on adding classic and teriyaki burgers to the menu in the next few months. “We love that kind of food, and besides, it goes with the theme. We haven’t found anything like that around here,” Gina said of the teriyaki burger. Chuck enjoys meeting cool people and sharing stories with them. Especially since everyone’s happy. It’s hard not to smile after a bite of ice cream – all your worries melt away (pun intended). “You come here, and you eat ice cream. How could you not be happy? [...] For less than $5, you’re happy, and you escape reality for a minute.” Don’t forget to squeeze Cabana Boy’s tiki statue butt on the way out – it’s tradition. And maybe good luck? Cabana Boy Ice Cream 2610 Avenue G NW, Winter Haven (863) 268-6008 www.cabanaboyicecream.com FB: Cabana Boy Ice Cream IG @cabanaboyicecream Photography by Amy Sexson

Since starting the Polk County Bully Project (PCBP), Co-directors Shannon Medina and Angie Lorio and their now 30 active volunteers have saved over 1,200 dogs. The 501(c)(3) nonprofit is a foster-based rescue organization dedicated to finding homes for the often misunderstood breed of pups that fall into the ‘Pit Bull’ category and reducing euthanasia rates in Polk County. Haven first interviewed the Polk County Bully Project in 2019 and wanted to catch up with the group to learn about their progress and find out how the community can help PCBP reach its goals. HAVEN: What is the mission of the PCBP? PCBP: We save those dogs most at risk at Animal Control which typically are the bully breeds that makeup 75% of the dogs in the shelter. Dogs labeled ‘pit bull’ are rescueonly and are not allowed to be adopted out at Polk County Animal Control. We pull those dogs also that are in need of medical treatment and/or hospice care or are heartworm positive. HAVEN: What is a bully breed, and why does your organization aim to help bully breeds specifically? PCBP: Bully breeds are a category of dog that have a blocky head. It is a category made up of about ten different breeds of dogs that include the American bulldog, Staffordshire terrier, and Pitbull, to name a few. HAVEN: Bully breeds have a bad reputation. What would you say to someone who thinks of them as dangerous or illtempered to change that perception? PCBP: I would equivocate that to any other prejudice. Any dog can be trained to be protective of their owners. This breed is extremely loyal and smart. They are factually the most abused breed than any other. They score 87% on the temperament test as being excellent, loving, and gentle family dogs. HAVEN: How do you go about accomplishing your goal to save dogs? PCBP: We fundraise to pay for vetting and housing and have the support of our community. We are currently working on a spay and neuter voucher program to assist those unable to alter their pets. HAVEN: What are the problems in the community or with irresponsible pet ownership that make what you do necessary? PCBP: • Spay/neuter affordability • Heartworm positive dogs • Backyard breeders • Dog dumping • Lost dogs with no chip, tag, or license • Tethering – especially without a cover • Insurance companies’ breed restrictions • Landlord breed restrictions HAVEN: When we last spoke, the PCBP had a goal of making Polk County NO KILL by 2025. Is that goal on track? How can the community help to make that happen? PCBP: We will never stop trying. Dogs must be spayed and neutered. Unlicensed breeding must be stopped. People breeding dogs in their backyards must be fined and held accountable. HAVEN: Another dream you mentioned when we last spoke was to one day have a facility of your own to expand what you were doing and be a resource and partner to other animal organizations. Has that dream been realized? PCBP: Since we last spoke, we did get a facility to hold up to 25 homeless dogs. However, we quickly outgrew that facility and are currently looking for a larger space. HAVEN: How can folks get involved with PCBP? Are there volunteer, sponsorship, adoption, education, or donation opportunities? What is your organization’s biggest need? PCBP: We absolutely love our volunteers, and we have a coordinator that takes care of processing applications, setting up introductions to our facility, and the scheduling of them. It’s always helpful to have people share our dogs and social media and talk about the work that we are doing as well. Of course, monetary donations are fundamental to keeping our project running. Probably the easiest and quickest way to reach us is by emailing us at polkcountybullyproject.gmail.com. HAVEN: Are there any PCBP rescue stories that stand out in your mind over the last few years? PCBP: Everyone seems to know Aspen’s story. He came into the rescue just over a year ago. He was confiscated by Polk County Animal Control from a home that had him tied in the backyard with his jaw bound closed and a nylon cord wrapped around his head. When we rescued him, he had open holes in his sinuses on his face and required reconstructive surgery to close them and to get his mouth to properly close. We have fundraised and performed eight reconstructive facial surgeries. He was just adopted two weeks ago. For more information on Polk County Bully Project, to follow rescue stories like that of Aspen, and support the cause, visit www.polkcountybullyproject.org, or follow them on Facebook and Instagram @polkcountybullyproject.

A love of cats (and plants), a trip to an Orlando cat café, and a passion for helping animals led Lakeland native Janette Nettler to her dream job – one she created for herself. Florida’s first cat adoption lounge and plant nursery, Botany Cats, opened earlier this year and has introduced 12 cats to their new pet parents. “There are so many cats out on the streets and in shelters. All the shelters are completely full, and I want to help as many as I can,” Nettler said. Janette Nettler has loved animals since childhood. She got her first cat at age four, followed by another several years later. As an adult, she got two Corgis and found that she adored dogs too. Now she has three cats at home, “Plus these guys, of course,” she said of her Botany Cats brood. Born in Lakeland, Nettler lived in North Carolina from age four to 14 before moving back to the Swan City. After another move, she’s been back in Lakeland for two years. “I keep coming back, and it gets better every time,” she said. “I consider Lakeland my home.” She went to college to study elementary education but gravitated toward veterinary medicine. Nettler changed career paths and became a veterinary technician for about five years. “I loved helping the animals,” she said. “I just wanted to do something a little more – to have something of my own and be able to plan my work schedule around my family.” Familiar with the cat café concept, Nettler had the fleeting thought that she, too, could create an atmosphere around cappuccinos and cats. “I thought the idea of a cat café was so unique. There are so many cats out there that need homes. The boutique experience of a cat café was so different from a shelter,” she said. She took a trip to an Orlando cat café in 2021. “It was so relaxing, and it was fun, and the cats didn’t seem stressed. […] I fell in love and decided to make it a reality for Lakeland, but a little different – I put my own spin on it.” BOTANY CATS HITS THE ROAD The original idea was to have a brick-and-mortar cat lounge. Finding space within budget proved difficult. Nettler didn’t have any experience working in coffee shops either, and Lakeland already has some great ones. Why not bring Botany Cats to them? Nettler rethought her business plan and decided to make it mobile. She first thought of renovating a school bus, but the concept soon evolved. “I thought, ‘I already have a truck. Why don’t I get something I can pull?’ I started looking at campers, and I found this one,” she said. Her cat adoption lounge and plant nursery took the form of a 2009 Dutchmen Freedom Spirit travel trailer. “The layout was pretty much what I wanted anyway. I didn’t have to do too much as far as renovations go,” said Nettler. “Everything started working out, and it was like, ‘Well, this is what it’s supposed to be then.’” She bought the trailer last November. “I took it camping to break it in before I did any renovations,” she said. The kitty camper took only a few months to renovate with minor cosmetic upgrades like removing the dinette and building a bench for more seating. Nettler dubbed the trailer Demeter. The Greek goddess of harvest and agriculture and a character in the Broadway musical “Cats,” Demeter was a fitting name to marry Nettler’s two concepts. Botany Cats’ first day open was February 9, with a grand opening on March 5 at The Green House Garden Store – a locally owned plant shop where Nettler sources her plants. Now Nettler brings Botany Cats to local establishments like Quinteassence Kava Bar – where we met with her – Hillcrest Coffee, the Polk Museum of Art, and the Lakeland Public Library. “I can bring the kitties to the people. They don’t have to come to me, which is great,” she said. Nettler says she plans to work with other Lakeland businesses, including Cob & Pen, Swan Brewing, and The Joinery. Those on the east side of Polk County won’t have to travel far for kitten cuddles either, as Nettler will occasionally be joining the Saturday lineup at the Winter Haven Farmers Market starting in May. She’s looking to partner with other businesses in Winter Haven, from the library to coffee shops and the brewery. “I’m very excited to get in touch with that community,” she said. SO WHAT’S A CAT LOUNGE ANYWAY? “A cat lounge is full of adoptable kitties,” Nettler said. “All of mine are rescues, so either I get them from the SPCA [or] a rescue out of Kissimmee called Liberation Cat House – they take in medical cases, and then when they’re healthy and ready to be adopted, they can send them to me.” Nettler also has pet owners reach out to her when they can no longer care for their cats. She takes them in, has them checked by a veterinarian, and gets them ready for adoption. All the cats up for adoption at Botany Cats have been fully vaccinated, microchipped, spayed/neutered, dewormed, given monthly flea prevention, and tested for common diseases such as feline leukemia, aids, rabies, distemper, etc., according to their website. Though the purring posse at Botany Cats are looking for furr-ever homes, adoption isn’t a requirement to play with cats and shop plants. “Whenever you see me around town, just come in and hang out with them for a little bit.” Typically, Nettler allows four people in the same party at a time to play with the cats. At larger events like farmers markets, it’s open for 15-minute walk-ins. During the week, when she’s at the museum or a coffee shop, she accepts reservations online – $7 for 30-minute appointments. Walk-ins are welcome, too, if available – $9 for 30 minutes. Nettler notes it’s always a good idea to make a reservation as it secures your spot and saves a bit of money (which you’re sure to need for all the cat toys and treats you’ll be buying your new fuzzy friend after you fall in love with an adoptable kitty). According to Botany Cats, “Cats have a huge impact on both your physical and mental health by lowering stress levels, heart rates, and boosting positivity. The adoption experience should be the same. Calmer humans + stress-free cats = forever homes found.” Those interested in adopting a cat can learn all about them, including their medical history, from the Botany Cats owner. “I spend more time with these kids than my cats at home, so I know their personalities and I’m very passionate about matching them with the perfect family, the perfect home,” she said. Since opening in February, Botany Cats has adopted out 12 cats! As for the ‘Botany’ part of the name, Nettler offers a selection of cat-friendly plants for sale. She’s working on expanding her offerings, even starting a greenhouse at home where she plans to grow catnip and cat grass. Alongside the cat-friendly greenery for sale, Botany Cats offers cat supplies, handmade scrunchies, headbands, and cat bandanas by local maker East of These. Two other local artists have work for purchase at Botany Cats – digital prints by Gently Mental and pet portraits by Gabriella Escalera of Gaby’s Art Gallery. Even the mural of Nettler’s cat, Bear, on the trailer’s façade, was painted by local artist Maegan Carroll. THE FUTURE SOUNDS PURR-FECT “For the future of Botany Cats, I’m definitely still looking at the brick-and-mortar side of it. In a couple of years, I’m hoping to have a larger space – a more permanent space – but also still have the trailer. [...] I still want to have [the trailer] to go to the farmers markets because they’re such a big hit, but have a larger space to take in more cats and rotate what cats I bring on the road. That might look like a partnership with a local bakery or a startup coffee shop or something. I’m open to partnerships,” said Nettler. What’s the most rewarding part about running Botany Cats? According to Nettler, “Definitely the adoptions. It warms my heart so much hearing the stories from the new owners after they take their babies home and how well it’s working at home. They’re not pressured to keep the cat if something were not to work out [...] they can always bring the cat back to me, and I’ll try to find a better fit. […] For the 12 adoptions I’ve had, it’s been nothing but happy stories, and I love it so much.” Follow Botany Cats on social media and their website to stay updated on where they’ll roll into next, for reservations for some much-needed cat therapy, and information about adoptions. Botany Cats botanycats.com FB @BotanyCatsLKLD IG @botany_cats Photography by Amy Sexson

Lakeland-based nonprofit SPCA Florida is abuzz with construction, renovations, and new programs to better care for the cats and dogs that come into their facility. According to SPCA Florida Executive Director Shelley Thayer, these improvements are made possible through community generosity and participation. SPCA Florida is a nonprofit organization founded in 1979. This no-kill shelter “exists to eliminate animal suffering and to engage the entire community in the welfare and well-being of animals. We accomplish this by advancing model programs to promote the adoption of healthy animals, prevent dog and cat overpopulation, provide veterinary medical services for animals in the community, and keep animals in homes through relinquishment intervention strategies,” according to their mission statement. Last year, SPCA Florida saved 4,282 lives and performed 4,523 spay/neuter surgeries. The nonprofit’s Annual Save Rate for dogs and cats combined has risen from 92% in 2019, 94% in 2020, to 96% in 2021. OH, SNAP! April 9, 2022, was the end of a chapter for SPCA Florida. It marked the 30th and final Walk for the Animals, a fundraising event that raised over $90,000 this year. Though this was the final Walk for the Animals, the organization isn’t closing the book, just flipping the page to new programs. Smokepoint Rock for Paws, another SPCA Florida fundraiser, is coming up this month on May 14. The event held at Nora Mayo Hall in Winter Haven will benefit one such new program, SPCA Florida’s Emergency Response Team, FL SARC. The event promises live music and a raffle with prizes from an electric guitar and amp package to a full-size complete drum kit and more. FL SARC (Florida State Animal Rescue Coalition) is a ten-year old nonprofit brought onboard by SPCA Florida last year. The only FEMA-approved nonprofit volunteer training organization in the United States, FL SARC’s mission is dedicated to disaster mitigation, preparation, response, and recovery for emergencies involving companion animals. “Last year, we deployed three teams to Louisiana to help the animals there. We’ve also transported animals for other organizations to get them out of harm’s way,” said Thayer. “The goal this year is to train another 450 people for boots on the ground training for these disasters,” said Thayer of their aim to train state volunteers along with 25 certified trainers in 2022. Another of the nonprofit’s current efforts is SNAP (Spay-Neuter Assistance Program), which has the goal of spaying and neutering 3,350 community and personally owned cats. “This effort will reduce our county’s euthanasia rate by reducing unwanted births,” according to SPCA Florida’s 2021 Annual Report. To meet this goal, SPCA Florida has a brand new surgery center under construction on the Adoption Center side of their complex. The project looks to be completed by mid-May. “When I first got here, all the animals from the Adoption Center would go through our hospital. It didn’t leave very much room for the public,” said executive director Shelley Thayer. For the last two years, SPCA Adoption Center veterinary staff have been working out of a borrowed trailer to spay and neuter, performing surgeries on around 5,000 animals in the tiny space. “Finally, we’re building our own surgery center in the adoption area so that we can do dental for the first time ever on all of our cats and dogs, and we can spay and neuter more animals than we’ve ever done before,” she said. “It frees up our trailer to help people with their personal pets to do free and low-cost spay and neuter.” Three donors have committed $500 each to wrap the trailer’s exterior with pictures of pets, similar to SPCA Florida’s transport vans. They need seven more donors. “We’re really excited about being able to do both. Being able to help the public more than we have in the past, which also helps Animal Control with not so many animals coming in, and then people maybe not having the funds to get their animals spayed or neutered – this will be a blessing to them.” Thayer praised SPCA Florida Adoption Center Veterinarian Dr. Robyn Barton, calling her a “godsend.” “She’s the best shelter vet I’ve ever met. We’re lucky to have her here in Polk County,” Thayer said. “She was determined to get them all done on this trailer, and she has.” Barton’s efforts will soon be rewarded with the addition of the spacious new surgery center, complete with a prep area, two surgery tables overlooking large windows, a washer and dryer, a dentistry area, a pharmacy, and more. With kitten and puppy season shortly upon them, SPCA Florida aims to mitigate unwanted litters by spaying and neutering as many animals as possible. “This opens a whole new world for our community,” Thayer said of the surgery center. “We’ll be able to save a couple more thousand cats and dogs a year because of it.” “This is all through the generosity of people. It’s all donations,” said the SPCA Florida executive director. “You can see from the trailer, to this, how excited everybody is to be able to work in this space and how much more we’ll be able to do.” Additionally, SPCA Florida became a training center for Lincoln Memorial University and Ross University students in their final year of veterinarian training. Thayer noted that the organization is also working with Hillsborough Community College for CVT (Certified Veterinary Technician) training, students who will also be able to assist in the new surgery center. A WALK IN THE DOG PARK Construction on the surgery center isn’t the only renovation set to take place (or already in motion) at the SPCA. Adjacent to the surgery center will be two new puppy pens and a “working cat” adoption pen. “Having a place for the puppies is important because when they’re little, their feet can’t touch the ground because they haven’t had all their vaccines. Having the puppy pens that we’re going to build out here will be great because they’ll be able to go outside and get fresh air and play,” said Thayer. The nonprofit is soon to replace its flooring with poured epoxy and move its laundry facilities to a separate building outside to reduce the risk of a dryer fire. It will be adding industrial washers and dryers for the first time. They recently refreshed their canine area with new grass and a widened walking trail. “We’ve been working with a group out of Tampa as their corporate project to help us clear our walking trail,” said Thayer. The trail is a loop through the woods (where it is considerably cooler), along which there are three pens to work on basic skills with adoptable pups. The same group helping to widen the trails, CAPTRUST, will be returning to help install benches around the area. “It’s projects like that – the community working together – that help make things nicer,” Thayer said. SPCA Florida’s most significant need is financial support for medical care. Aside from that, the executive director would love to have a garden club to take care of lawn maintenance and keep the facility looking nice. Those looking to help SPCA Florida in their mission to save animals can sign up for a Doggie Date which often results in adoptions through their interactions around town, or consider shopping for your own dog or cat at their store. Located at the front of the Adoption Center, the store offers various toys, leashes, collars, pet clothes, treats, and the like at discounted prices — purchases from the store benefit SPCA Florida. From those contributing to programs like SNAP and FL SARC, donating supplies and food and funds, to volunteers, Shelley Thayer says, “It’s everybody working together” that makes their mission possible. SPCA Florida 5850 Brannen Rd S, Lakeland (863) 646-7722 www.spcaflorida.org FB @SPCAFlorida IG @spca_florida Photography by Amy Sexson

My family grew oranges in a grove next to a little wild lake in Polk County for four generations. The grove yielded its sweet crop and stood next to the lake for over 75 years. It was home to turkey, bobcat, hogs, and deer. It shielded the lake and kept it, at least in my young mind, a wild and sacred place, and those rows of green trees covered in golden globes witnessed many good memories and moments of solitude. It was a place I loved. In 1989, the grove was lost to a hard freeze, as were many others that winter. My uncle, generation number three, replanted the grove the following year. By a fortunate accident, blood oranges found their way into the rows of the grove. Through a nurseryman’s error, 10 blood orange trees were included with hundreds of Hamlins to be replanted. I was 5 when those trees were put in the ground. My memories of the grove began after time revealed the surprise, and the grove had become a mature stand of trees next to the little wild lake. Each year, I always made sure to flag a couple of the blood orange trees ensuring that they held tight to their golden treasure and didn’t end up in the harvest crew’s trailer. While they lasted, they were a sweet treat on days afield and while working in the grove. The elevation and the deep sandy soils told me that Tall Pines once grew next to the lake. Except for a small patch of long overgrown woods showing the groves ancestry, the grove is all I’ve known. As far back as I can remember groves surrounded my family’s grove and the lake. They seemed a vast, wild landscape in their rolling expanse over the sandhills. As wild as the groves seemed I could only imagine the native flat woods and scrub of the not-so-distant past. Many mornings found me among the tree rows stalking feral hogs and whispering to Osceola Turkeys. Many mornings found me on the little wild lake fishing for speckled perch or hunting ducks and alligator. Those mornings spent in pursuit of game are memories as sweet as the oranges that grew on the trees. One of my favorite memories includes bluebills, which every year would migrate from the far north and navigate to our lake next to the grove. Each year flocks of bluebills would announce their final approach as primary feathers sounded descent. Small jets landing and sounding very much like the large ones on final descent into Orlando! With regularity, I would find myself on one of these outings contemplating time and place, as a short walk through the grove would yield evidence that man had occupied this land for thousands of years prior. Arrowheads and pottery shards sent my mind wandering. How long ago was this projectile used in the same pursuits I was on? How tall were the pines that towered overhead? How loud were the bluebills landing on the lake back then? What was he hunting, and did he find the same satisfaction in this place that I did? I often thought while hunting, working, camping, and finding arrowheads, that one day I’d bring my yet-to-beconceived family here. We would sit and call at turkeys, listen to bluebills cruise through the skies, and treat ourselves with blood oranges as summer held onto fall. We would camp and fish and make memories. We would find arrowheads, and the concept of time and my relationship to this special place would transfer generations. It had been a couple of years since I walked the grove. I knelt to pick up a broken coral arrowhead, one like many I’d found before. I faced the lake and saw the raft of bluebills which had concluded their migration south, to this spot, for as far back as I could remember. This would be my last walk here. The last time I would hear the bluebills on the little wild lake, the last time I would pick up an arrowhead. The blood oranges have been gone for several years, as have most of the groves around here. They got hammered by a disease and gobbled up by development. All that remains is the small patch of woods and an empty field. My family hasn’t owned the grove for a few years (technically I was trespassing), but it would be my last time doing so. I returned to say goodbye. The lake was still beautiful and wild but not for long. A wall of gray, beige, and off-white boxes across the street foretold what was to come. “The last crop” would soon be planted. Rows of houses would soon line this field. The developer pulled up and asked why I was there. I talked with him. “Can’t stop progress” he mentioned. I feigned a smile. “We break ground in two weeks.” I wondered if anyone would wander and wonder about tall pines, ancient peoples, and sweet blood oranges while walking a cul-de-sac. When all that covers this land and surrounds this lake is humdrum rooftops, will anyone be inspired by this once sacred place? Anyways, I do miss those Blood Oranges.

“The Patron Saint of Justice,” a new mural by the internationally renowned Icelandic artist Lokey Prakkarastrik, featuring Polk County’s often controversial but never camera-shy Sheriff Grady Judd, has been approved to replace “The Calm.” The former mural depicting a group of people riding atop a whale has graced the west side of Heartland Church in downtown Winter Haven since 2015. “I must admit, at first, I was at a loss,” Prakkarastrik said. Eventually, the artist found her inspiration with the help of the social media platform TikTok. “I was aimlessly scrolling my life away on the TikToks… the addictive nature of this platform is maddening. However, I came across this video of the great Sheriff Grady telling people to chill out, drink 7ups, eat the Moonpies, and stop with the murdering. I said to myself, “Ég hef fundið það! This is it, my muse!” “For the most part, the people in this community are excited about this new piece,” said James De’Pokets, the millionaire investor who commissioned the mural. “The Patron Saint of Justice’’ will be the first of several art installations scheduled to hit the streets of Central Florida in 2022. These art pieces are all a part of his initiative to pay tribute to local heroes through the power of art, simply called Make America Grateful for Our Local Men and Women That Put Their Lives on the Line Every Day, Again. “It’s a working title,” says De’Pokets. “I think this is going to be a beautiful addition to the other murals and sculptures featured in downtown Winter Haven. I can think of no better way to honor a great man that has dedicated his life to shooting bad guys and shooting them a lot.” Local residents and business owners are divided on the execution of the project. Pat Hernandez, owner and sole proprietor of Smooth Operator Bikini Waxes, located directly across the street from the new mural, had this to say. “When a client comes in for one of my world-famous bikini waxes, they expect two things. Number one, the absolute smoothest bikini line money can buy, and two, a great view of downtown Winter Haven, unobstructed by this grotesque attempt of self-expression. It’s the last thing I want my clients to see. It’s hideous. And as a person who stares at butts all day, that’s saying something.” However, some people see this as a welcomed addition to the thriving artistic culture of downtown. People like Karen Conway, a self-described proud animal rights activist, said, “I am so happy to see that disgusting display of animal abuse taken down and replaced with something wholesome. Sheriff Grady Judd is a true American hero who inspires me to be a better person and makes my heart smile.” Although Sheriff Grady Judd could not be reached directly to comment on his new shrine, a representative from the Polk County Sheriff’s Office had this to say, “Everyone here at the Sheriff’s office is deeply moved by this arresting work of art. We all know how much Grady hates the spotlight. It’s about time our Sheriff gets a little recognition for all the good work he has done.” If you know a local hero and would like to nominate them to the Make America Grateful for Our Local Men and Women That Put Their Lives on the Line Every Day, Again Arts Initiative, email april_foolz@havenmagazines.com.

Swans? More like yawns. Zebra Longwing Butterfly? But why? It’s official. Lakeland and Winter Haven have new city symbols. After reviewing the abilities and weaknesses of many creatures in the MonsterVerse, Mayor Bill Mutz chose Godzilla to be Lakeland’s new symbol, and Mayor Brad Dantzler tapped Mothra for Winter Haven on March 16. Both mayors signed executive orders despite many detractors. Rumors are swirling around what caused this sudden power move. A source close to Dantzler and Mutz say they’re just a couple of buds that like to get together with candy and popcorn for ‘Mayor Monster Movie Nights.’ “This is Pandemonium!” shouted Lakeland Mayor Bill Mutz as a fire-breathing beast rose from the murky depths of Lake Mirror behind him. “That’s the title of this sculpture, “Pandemonium.” I like it, it’s catchy. And look at that guy, so scary! It’s like, ‘Ahhhhh! Godzilla, no! Don’t destroy our city with your atomic breath!” he chuckled during the official unveiling of the concept. The statue will be Lakeland’s largest public art project of 2022. The stone statue of Godzilla will protrude from Lake Mirror with fountain features to give the effect of water cascading off his 210-foot frame. The tallest structure in Lakeland currently is the Lakeland Electric Building sitting at 148 feet. That will not be the case come summer 2022. The installation “Pandemonium” was designed to tower over all in its path. “You know, like in the movies,” said the project’s lead architect. A fire feature will shoot 50-foot flames from the open maw of the monster, and LED lights mimicking Godzilla’s atomic rays will shine from his back spikes. The atomic rays can sync up to music and display different colors. The city plans to use this festive feature during the holidays, pairing Godzilla’s atomic rays with classic Christmas tunes. To assist citizens in keeping time, speakers around the lake will emit an earthshaking roar every hour, on the hour. The art installation will cost taxpayers an estimated $412M. With such a slash to the city budget, it looks like Lakeland may be in store for an even more restrictive road diet as they won’t be able to afford any more road. Many businesses who have embraced Lakeland’s former symbol, the swan, for their name or logo are upset with the mayor’s hasty choice. “Now my brewery doesn’t make any sense,” said a local brewery owner. “The permitting process to change it to Godzilla Brewing has been a bureaucratic nightmare.” Apartment communities, tattoo shops, retail stores, doctors’ offices, even the City of Lakeland itself will have to get with the program and join the rebrand. Things aren’t faring much better on the county’s east side, either. Mayor Dantzler’s executive decision to make Mothra the city symbol will have a comparable economic impact with hundreds of art fixtures, the purchase of a radio station, and the cost of repainting planes. The City of Winter Haven’s former mascot and the official butterfly for the state is the Zebra Longwing Butterfly. Its graceful black wings banded with yellow were no match for Mothra’s reflective scales and telepathy. Rodan, King Ghidorah, Behemoth, King Kong, and Methuselah were all close to claiming the title of Winter Haven’s official symbol. “Scylla was popular with the commissioners, but she’s a Spider Titan, and I have arachnophobia,” said Mayor Dantzler. “The City’s mascot is already a butterfly, and I mean, come on – supersonic flight, antenna beams, stinger blast, silk, wind. The list for what makes Mothra cool goes on and on.” Last year, artist Gillian Fazio completed the Haven mural on the Alan L. Ulch building downtown. As part of the city rebrand, Fazio has been asked to change the butterfly atop the letter ‘A’ into Mothra shooting energy beams at the letter ‘H.’ Senior art majors at Polk State College are constructing Mothra hanging installations that will dangle from trees in Central Park and spew silk at passersby. Winter Haven is in talks with the Auburndale Rotary Butterfly Garden to replace all butterflies with moths and change its name to the Auburndale Rotary Mothra Garden. Since telepathy is one of Mothra’s primary abilities, the City of Winter Haven purchased its own radio station WWMZ where citizens can hear “All Mothra, all the time.” The station will play city announcements and news with interspersed giant insect growls. Winter Haven is also known as ‘The Seaplane Capital of the World.’ All seaplanes at Jack Brown’s Seaplane Base will undergo a Mothra makeover so the community can enjoy our new city symbol anytime a seaplane takes flight. Discussions about installing prismatic beams on the planes are ongoing. The city mascots have been finalized, and there is no recourse for those who disagree with the creature feature choices. Citizens opposed to the official city symbol changes are asked to “Chill out,” according to a joint statement from the mayors. If you have any Godzilla or Mothra-related public art ideas for Lakeland or Winter Haven, please email april_foolz@havenmagazines.com. Images by Ella Doyle

Start your engines and glue down those dentures, Polk County. It’s time for the 2022 NAMSER Races. The Polk Elderly Alliance and Polk County Tourism, in partnership with NASCAR, are bringing you the national phenomenon that is the National Association for Motor Scooter Elderly Racing (NAMSER). Instead of mullets and mustaches, the stands will be filled with Life Alert necklaces and arthritis. The 2022 NAMSER Cup, to be held at the Auburndale Speedway next month, will host two pedal-to-the-metal categories – Jazzy and Little Rascal races. A Jazzy, for those who don’t love their grandmas (or else you would have already gotten her one), is an electric wheelchair lauded as the height of mobile luxury. Little Rascals are a brand of 4-wheeled motorized scooters. Jazzys clear 4.25 mph of ground speed with the capability to cover even the roughest terrain due to its advanced suspension. Little Rascals are a more adrenaline-inducing vehicle maxing out ground speeds at 6 miles per hour. Try walking that fast – not going to happen. Left Pa-paw out in the rain? No worries, he can kick that Rascal into 4WD, and he’ll be just fine. In fact, he might even tow you out of the mud with his 10,000-pound towing capacity. Known as the working man’s motorized scooter – there’s a reason they call the Little Rascal a ‘power’ chair. As many of you may know, the NAMSER Cup is a pretty big deal in the world of American auto racing. A true national pastime, these blue hair badass races have been broadcast everywhere from Austin, TX to Philadelphia, PA. Polk County Tourism was overjoyed when they won the bid to host the 2022 NAMSER Cup. With the distinction of hosting the races comes millions in tourism dollars. Expect even more seniors on Polk County roads as the NAMSER caravan of groupies make their way to the races (some of which are traveling from The Villages – so protection is strongly advised). Every year at the Daytona 500, thousands of screaming fans watch cars blur around a 2.5-mile track, 200 times, traveling a distance of 500 miles. The ‘Auburndale 2,’ as officials are calling the 2022 NAMSER Cup, will consist of speedy seniors going a heart-pounding 4-6 miles per hour for eight laps, totaling 2 miles around the quarter-mile-long Auburndale Speedway. Typical NASCAR races last between one and three hours, sometimes going upwards of six hours if there are unexpected delays. “The Jazzy races won’t take that long because our racers don’t have the patience for that. They tend to get cranky and easily startled. The race starts at the crack of dawn, and they’ll be napping by 7:30 am,” said Red Smith, a race official. Professional pit crews will be onsite to juice up Jazzys and keep those fogeys flying. Fans of both racing and the elderly can expect big names in the sport. You know them, you love them, you have a t-shirt with their face on it – Doris, Barb, Shirley, Agnes, Dolores, Bernadette, Lois, Pop-pop, Mimi, Percival, Wilbur, Eugene, Gus, Archie, Jim, Walter, Norman, Virgil, and Abe – that’s right, even Abe. Standing atop NAMSER Cup sponsorship tiers are brands of note – Mountain Dew, NAPA Auto Parts, McDonald’s, Busch Light, and GEICO. Individual sponsors (the ones you’ll see plastered on the motorized scooters, wheelchairs, and racing suits) include Depends, AARP, those late-night commercials that sell specialty coins, Fixodent, Big Casserole, WHAAAT Hearing Aids, and a Nigerian prince in need of social security and bank routing numbers. Jazzy and Little Rascal races are not for the faint of heart. These geriatrics get brutal. According to NAMSER rep Red Smith, “We’ve had problems in the past with seniors getting a little too competitive. They’ll ram their vehicles into each other, hit passing scooters with canes, poke tires with knitting needles, and even throw banana peels on the track. Things can get real bloody, real fast.” Geezer aggression aside, it’s safety first for race organizers. All vehicles will be outfitted with roll cages, and they’ll be required to wear fire-retardant itchy sweaters. “Sometimes they try to take a curve too fast and topple right over, so we’ve tried to mitigate any risk of injury for the drivers.” Racing stars hook fans with a show of personality at every turn. And some of them like to really ‘jazz’ it up. Smith remembers, “Last year we had a fella put a pair of truck nuts on the back of his Rascal. Damndest thing you ever saw – Eugene with his bifocals on and pants pulled up to his chest, just gettin’ it…truck nuts flapping behind him. That was a big hit.” Fans are asked not to make too much noise, or competitors will file a noise complaint. “Most of them are hard of hearing, so it’s not so much the noise that riles them up. It’s more if you look like you’re having fun over an acceptable level – they can sense it, and they don’t like it.” Perhaps the shining moment of the race is when the winner is showered in Ensure Protein Shakes and prune juice because “champagne gives them heartburn.” The winner of the 2022 NAMSER Cup will win a gift certificate to Polk County's newest restaurant, Chewz Wisely, and get the honor of leading the first lap in the NASCAR Cup Series at Bristol Motor Speedway this September. It’ll take a while. Coinciding with the NAMSER Cup is an unofficial off-road mud race at Bone Valley ATV Park. This race is an entirely different animal with power chairs and motorized scooters that have been taken from so-so to yee-yee. Local racers are already building out their Jazzys and Little Rascals with beefier all-terrain tires, lift kits, exhaust, chromed-out baskets, underglow, and of course, diesel engines. “It’s a lot of torque for a small vehicle, but it’s fun. Have we had a few broken hips, lost a grandma or two in the process? Sure,” said an organizer for the mud race dubbed the Redneck Retiree Tough Scooter Races. Grab your tickets to see retirees rev their engines at either of these exciting events by emailing april_foolz@havenmagazines.com.

The time was 2:04 am on October 9, 2021. A security system picked up movement outside an arts organization in Winter Haven. An alarm rang out as management and police were alerted and raced to the scene to discover the cause of the disturbance. What would they find? Broken glass? Had they been robbed? Far worse… or should I say ‘fart’ worse. A thick green ‘F’ had been spray-painted in the middle of the sign. The Lake Art Association was now the Lake Fart Association. “We felt like the butt of some bad joke,” said a spokesperson for the vandalized organization. Convinced it was a one-off occurrence, just some kids with too much time and spray paint on their hands, the Polk County Sheriff’s Department was no less determined to sniff out the air biscuit bad actor responsible for this heinous crime. “We wanted to keep things quiet,” said a representative for the PCSO. “We knew that if so much as a sharp squeak of this leaked, the attention could inspire others to commit similar acts.” Cheese-cutting copycats were something they couldn’t afford to risk. It would turn out they didn’t have to wait long for breaking wind to become breaking news. The vandal would strike again just a week before Christmas. The sign for a city about 15 miles south of Lake Wales now read, “Welcome to Frostpoot… The Friendly City.” The air was thick with unanswered questions and the upset stomach of Lady Justice – she was a rumblin’. The new year got off to a crappy start as well. The signs, website landing pages, and social media accounts of dozens of local businesses and organizations were targeted with flatulent aggression. Not even long-standing and respected art institutions, schools, or galleries were spared. The Polk Museum of Fart, the Lake Wales Farts Council, Platform Fart, the Lakeland Fart Guild, Harrison School for the Farts, the Winter Haven Fine Farts Building, Farts on Central, the Polk Farts Alliance, Fart Centric Studio, and Fart/ifact were only some of those crop-dusted by this odorous offender, leaving citizens and law enforcement in a green cloud of confusion. Who could be behind it all? And what was their motive? When the county seat was hit, it was game on for Polk County law enforcement. “We may have dropped the ball,” said detective Gary Cheeks, “but we can promise we won’t cut the cheese when we pick it up. And trust me, we will pick it up. Something about this whole situation stinks.” Emotions were high when it came to the topic of the tooting troublemaker’s actions and potential identity. Folks were pointing and pulling fingers. Passersby were scandalized, enraged, or giggly at the cursive sign that read, “Fartow… Our history comes to life!” Next hit was the Greater Fartow Chamber of Commerce, followed a few days later by Fartow High School. Polk County detectives knew there was one big target left and decided to bring federal reinforcement to catch this gassy goon before he could strike again. “When we caught wind of what was going on, we knew we had to step in,” said an agent with the FBI’s Humorous Crimes Task Force. “We sent every available agent to Polk County and really let her rip with the investigation.” For weeks local law enforcement in partnership with federal agents sniffed out leads and kept a presence at the only place yet vandalized, a local Ford dealership. After a month and a half with no action, an internal memo was sent out, “calling off” security around the dealership. This is how they would catch the bottom burp bad hombre. For weeks there had been murmurings of an inside job – a dutch oven if you will. “I got a whiff from some of our deputies about rumors that this was one of our own. I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s hard to mistake your own brand,” said a lead investigator for the PCSO. On March 1, 2022, at 11:57 pm, local deputies and federal agents surrounded the dealership and closed in on a masked Detective Gary Cheeks with spray paint in hand. Fartow Ford? Not in Grady Judd’s America. In hindsight, law enforcement officials say they should have suspected Cheeks much earlier due to his suspicious demeanor when “working” the case. Somehow he was able to fly under the radar for months – silent but deadly. It would seem Cheeks fancied himself a spray-paint-wielding flatulence obsessed Guy Fawkes – leaving his mark wherever a toot joke was to be made. More like Guy Farts – am I right? During questioning, Cheeks admitted that he had acted alone. The only motive he would give, even after hours of tense interrogation, was simply, “Farts are funny.” It seems Lady Justice popped a Gas-X, stifling this stinky plot. We can all breathe a little deeper now that disgraced former detective Cheeks is behind bars where he belongs. “We won’t be cutting this one loose anytime soon,” said the judge at Cheeks’ first court appearance. Time-old adages often provide wisdom and clarity in otherwise hazy situations. In this case, he who smelt it…indeed dealt it.

A buzzsaw drowned out the tink, tink, tink of a hammer on a nail as we walked through a busy construction site with Winter Haven restauranter Dan Keebler. We passed a tap wall waiting for its finishing touches and a stack of tan cafeteria trays. Haven Magazine was granted a first look into the restaurant that has gums flapping across the county. The new soft food bistro, Chewz Wisely, is located in a strip mall a mile and a half south of LEGOLAND on Cypress Gardens Boulevard. It’s taken Keebler over a year to solidify his soft food concept. “The idea came to me after having my wisdom teeth taken out. I was pumped full of meds and feeling silly. I asked my daughter, who drove me home from the appointment, to get me something to eat, but options were limited. I ended up caving and eating a whole stuffed crust pizza. We had to go right back to the oral surgeon. If a restaurant like Chewz Wisely would have existed, perhaps that situation could have been avoided.” The wheels began to turn for Keebler. He thought of other reasons one might want a soft food smorgasbord. According to his market research of the area, “Look, a lot of our future customers are missing teeth for one reason or another – bar fight, teething, Mountain Dew, dentures – we don’t ask questions.” Aside from that, Keebler says chewing is time-consuming, tedious, and exhausting. “If you think about it, it’s costly too. One hundred percent of cavities and other dentalrelated problems are caused by – you guessed it – chewing. Soft food equals better dental health. I’m just one man trying to save the world here. One gulp at a time.” After much research and consultation with several area dental professionals, we cannot confirm Keebler’s claims. Keebler worked tirelessly to source the finest cafeteria-grade fare for his restaurant. He gave us a menu teaser to share with readers. Softy fans, be warned – you’re about to get hungry. Denture-friendly delicacies include applesauce, milk, goulash, chewy Life Savers, yogurt, ice cream, mashed potatoes, cream of wheat, mashed potato flavored ice cream, grits, Jell-O, mashed banana, pudding, gravy, Jello-O flavored gravy, gravy flavored Jell-O, and gruel. Guests craving something more substantive without the hassle of biting and chewing and biting and chewing will enjoy the Baby Bird section of the menu. Steak, pasta, hard candy, ribs, burgers, and the like are all available prechewed. The community will perhaps be most excited about the self-serve mush on tap – an entire wall with 53 flavors of mush. All you can slurp! “Things like color and texture are a barrier to flavor,” said Keebler. “I’ve worked tirelessly to ensure our menu is chockfull of soft, colorless options for the sophisticated Winter Havenite.” The Chewz Wisely grand opening on April 1, 2022, promises to be quite the bash. They’ll be giving away prizes, have squirt guns filled with gruel for fun samples, and a wet t-shirt contest. Enter to win a $50 gift card to Chewz Wisely at april_foolz@havenmagazines.com.